Sometimes I sit and think about how much I've changed these past few years. I wasn't always this way. I am naturally a very quiet, mild, meek individual. Since I was a child I have always had a sense of humor that radiated through my quiet shell. I don't know if you follow my blog or not, but I am a gay man. But this isn't about where I am this story is about my past and my evolution. I'm leaving Florida in a couple of months so I think this will be my form of closure as I start a new chapter in my life. It is a sad story, but I think the message is very clear and true. Enjoy!
I'm going to start with the fall of my sophomore year of college.
I had a girlfriend once. A Ms. Darlene Harris, beautiful girl Hershey brown with this long beautiful hair. We were so similar (and still are) that it's not surprising we meshed so well. We separated by distance I was in Florida and she was in North Carolina. That fall she decided to visit me. When she told me my heart kind of skipped a beat. Of course I missed her but I also knew that certain things were expected, sexual things. Darlene and I were not very physical which was my choice; even though I had not been involved with boys at this point I sure as hell knew I wasn't going to be physical with a girl. She came toward the end of October if I the beginning of October if I recall. That same weekend I had bought a large metal piece of shit car, my first. It was a great weekend! I introduced her to my friends from West Palm Beach (more on them later). Of course we slept in the same bed. Nothing happened. Super awkward, but we drank and had fun. I still remember the day she left on the shuttle and I tried to kiss her and I couldn't out of embarrassment so I fumbled around with my mouth and aimed my lips in her general direction. When she got home she asked me why I didn't initiate any thing and I replied, "Why didn't you?" with my smart mouth. And then she said, "I thought you were gay". I know it's strange but that kind of hurt because even if you're gay, and you know when you're gay, when someone implies that you are, there is a pain that hits your gut because you try so hard to conform that when someone sees through your guise it rattles your reality. We left it at that and continued "talking" but I don't think either of us knew what for.
While all this was going on there was an event that I planned on auditioning for called fashion exclusive? A fashion show. I was trying to become more involved that semester and I did. I met most of my current friends at this time. I knew I was going to make the show. I'm cute and I have this swag. It might be a lazy swag but it's a swag a lot of boys in Florida don't possess. This is where I met Deon and Angelo.
Posts
