
I want to thank John again for an amazing Easter. I needed to get out of that city so bad and the food hit the spot in every way! LoLz

I want to thank John again for an amazing Easter. I needed to get out of that city so bad and the food hit the spot in every way! LoLz
I feel like I have wasted four years of my life. College has been a very lonely experience. Since my freshman year I have felt very lonely and not at all true to myself. I have met some amazing people here and I wouldn't change that for anything. What I would change is my pride. I always felt that things would just fall in place for me and they haven't. I'm not good at too many things. I don't play sports, dance, sing, or do much of anything besides be smart. I'm a smart person but I feel that my intelligence has deteriorated these past four years. I struggle with my faith daily. I wanted to leave this place a man, but I'm leaving the same boy I was in high school. I find myself sleeping all day just to escape. I distract myself with the matrix of the internet and when I'm not doing anything at all I sit and cry.
Fucking pitiful
Purgatory, this is where I reside. It's so strange. My life is going well I can't complain about a damn thing my family right, STILL celibate, this is probably my best semester at UF, but It's also my last and I feel really sad about that. I know I am meant for great things. I have all the tools to become the man I am meant to become. The first half of 2009 has been a mix of purging and enlightenment. I have NEVER felt so lost and out of tune with myself but even still I am residing in harmony, a very quiet place.
I haven't been to church in like 2 years outside of funerals. It was a very powerful experience. I feel my religious side dwindling sometimes and I hate that. Ijust feel there are a lot of things that interfere with my belief. I just think its life and growing up. The world is very tempting but I keep my morals and values first, most of the time. I really enjoyed myself today, thanks John!




Don't you love them "I Got That" songs? It's something about embracing someone else's delusions about their sexual or social superiority. I think everyone in alive "got that" something. That's what makes us special. Like me I got that Snap Crackle Pop! Loll I'm bout to write that down. What do you "got"?

Have you ever cheated on someone intentionally? I cheated once and I took it kind of hard today I was thinking if it was intentional or not. People know right from wrong and while I was pissy drunk but that is never an excuse. When you cheat on someone you're just asking for trouble but when you don't care there really is no risk involved. Now I've been cheated on countless times I'm still waiting to exhale. I feel like even though you can cheat doesn't mean you should. Shit, my shit is exclusive! I always tell friends why cheat just leave but every circumstance is different I know I've been there.

I find it so fascinating that we can completely be infatuated with someone that we never met. This digital age is crazy because family friends and love can all be found on the internet. It steal seems taboo though. My mom thinks I just meet strangers on the internet and go to their house. Which is not the case it's been done but it's not the norm. Its computer love!
With that mentioned here's a song that fits this post perfectly.
Lil' Kim - Download
I'm breaking part 3 in 2 parts
If this relationship was a rollercoaster then this is the part where the seatbelt would break and I would be going around the loopty loop hanging on for dear life. Spring 07 is when it got bad to the point I completely lost who I was as a person. I just remember sex with CW and me chasing him around the south east. He was living with me at the time and I was working at one point 2 jobs in school I lost my God father and great grandmother at this point. I've lost a lot of important people since I've been in college. Too many funerals, but I guess that's apart of getting older. After I came back from my godfather's funerals things began to change. CW announced he was moving to ATL (Red Flag!). I was a hurt, shocked, and confused by his departure but we decided to stay together and have a long distance relationship. It didn't take long for the messages, text, and rumors to flood in. boys from all over were getting in contact with me about this nigga. My dumbass ignored it all. CW would come back every once in a while for fraternity events never to see me. All the while I'm getting closer to ML. ML was a good friend through all this. Kept me grounded but I always felt CW and ML messed around over winter break. I was putting all my trust in CW and ML losing myself in the process. I'm dealing with all this gay dramatics and still playing straight. It's a very strange thing and in a way it splits your personality to the point you don't even know who you are anymore. At the same time I felt very liberated.
School is winding down and I'm feeling a tad bit depressed. I pin pointed it yesterday after I got a rejection letter from Rutgers and I got a worried for my future. I'm telling yall this shit could have been in a movie. There were 2 or 3 beautiful tears and that's it. I sucked it up though and hopped on the bus and headed to the library. I've been through so much these past 4 years in some ways it feels like it's amounted to nothing and in others I feel like it's been the most liberating experience. I don't know how to feel. I know I'll be alright I'm too close to my goal to ever fall into obscurity but I'm scared in so many ways.
I've been drinking a lot lately. Coolers and beer but I feel like that shit add up. I need to institute a 0 tolerance policy with liquor. I'm trying to live yo. I feel something in me that needs to come out. A better person? A stronger person? I hate finding comfort in liquor very weak. It wasn't a bad week because I feel very blessed but I was having these mini moments all week. Lawd help us all!
Put your hands around it
Feel that smith and western cold steel
This aint no bb this shit is real
Kind of heavy 4lbs turn the safety off
If you hit the bulls eye I'm gone take it off
Cock it back, aim steady, now you locked and loaded
Don't be scared….
Pull the Trigger
Going pound for pound
Heavy hitter
Ooo I love the sound of that trigger
Click click pull that trigger
This bullet proof vest got me cocky
Hollow points coming strong but they can't stop me
You got me ducking dodging weaving like the matrix
Slow motion, don't shoot another round or I'll hit the pavement
Pull the Trigger
Going pound for pound
Heavy hitter
Oyo I love the sound of that trigger
Click click pull that trigger
Mmm spray that Uzi it crazy how this going
Shoot gun barrel make sure no one else around
He said he shoot if I ever let this thing out
Bang bang, bullets hurting you a heavy hitter
Don't stop keep squeezing on that trigger
It was so fun besides the bigot I had a lot of fun with Guitar Hero and tanning at the pool! I haven't taken a bath since Friday and I love it!

I just killed the biggest roach. Omg it was so damn big! It had these 2 long legs and this brown coat. The nigga hopped out my closet and stopped. I didn't know what to do. So I just froze. I can't step on a roach that's too intimate. So I decided to sneak pass his ass and get the raid. This nigga started walking away. I sprayed him down. He jetted thumping the wall Omg! So he run around the whole room and hit his back. He kept kicking and kicking Omg for like 10 min. he wouldn't die. So I get the broom and gently sweep the thing up. I felt weight on the damn broom. I can't even sleep now. This battle lasted 30-40 min. I feel like shit is crawling on me.
I love Vista I like the look of it (glossy!) and its very customizable but this shit is buggy as hell! Get it together Msoft. My laptop is brand new and it stutter then I update it and its fine for like a week, then it gets all clumsy again I don't understand. I hear this Windows 7 is the beez knees though so I can't wait for that I mos def will be updating because I can't deal with this no more.
I ate long john silver's and a checkerburger yesterday and my body is paying me back because im in class and I think I'm having some sort of stroke! I'm literally grabbing at my heart. Lawd have mercy!
Never would I have thought meeting 2 people would change my life so drastically. I hope it doesn't sound like I'm giving anyone too much, but things have changed so much since I met these 2. I am not a really outgoing person I like to stay in my comfort zone. ML is the type that does what he wants and I don't think that will ever change. So when I met it and he invited me to chill with him and DM I was kind of excited. They were very relatable like-minded people as far as music and interest I found myself saying "me too" often. We became close during this fashion show and I never suspected that they were dating, even though I was dropping them off at the same house every night late at night. I was so naïve and a part of me think I was making myself that way. I think I had a crush on both of them which is natural and I feel like they both had and a crush on me, and that's fine until I met CW. CW was too fly nice face, car, body, style, swag, everything u could superficially want from someone he possessed. I was in love. Or at least I thought I was. CW has the cherry y'all, sigh. I was 19 and I don't regret much, but I regret that situation. I will blame it on youth, but I never want my desire to cloud my judgment again, it's a sign a weakness. There was a bit mess Between DM, CW, and I. I feel after I started dealing with him my life changed so much. There was a mix of sexual liberation and social withdrawal. I began lying about my whereabouts, who I was with, what I was doing. And I felt like among my peers I was becoming a ghost, a shell of my former self. Which I was but I was loving it back then. It wasn't and still isn't anyone's business what I was doing. CW had my mind and my body and he didn't take it I gave it to him. A "Grade A" mess! I was introduced to about 3 of his ex's by him. We were walking around claiming I was his cousin to cover up our secret which wasn't really a secret to anyone but me. This around December 2006 by this point I was went to my first gay club, I started smoking, and was neglecting the people around me. DM and ML had broken up by this point and DM wasn't really a part of the group it had gotten quite messy between the four of us. I don't remember anything from that break accept my wisdom tooth causing me so much pain and talking to CW on the phone constantly. Seeds were being planted that winter for the spring.

Hands down the best CD leaked out right now. Keri is a true talent and she fuses pop, RnB, even techno effortlessly. I recommend which is strange because just a couple of weeks ago I wasn't really checking for her too many push backs and too many singles, which is still a problem because you have heard half this CD. Even still what is here is excellent and above average. She is a true talent.
My favorite songs included.
Alienated
Intuition

Love Sex Magic
by BlakMusicFirst
I like this a lot . Ciara is Stunning! My best friend Deon and I were talking last night andhe said that this video is too sexy. There are a bunch of crotch shots and ciara is basically naked for 3 and half minutes, but thats fine it aint for everybody!
I have this theory that Jamie Foxx song is actually about drugging some unsuspecting woman at the club and watching the effects of a date rape unravel. I can't be the only one. Do men actually stand there and just watch a woman as she gets drunk and tells her all the things he going to do to her while she's getting drunk? I don't think so! Either that or it's about some skank at the club getting drunk whatever applies.
Isn't it crazy how u can have no interest in someone but when you see them in the club they become so attractive. Ive talked to this boy more than a few times and he was a dud but when I saw him in the club there was this attraction. No I wasn't drunk and it wasn't that dark in the club. Maybe its seeing someone in their element. I just find it really strange but sexy which is a great mix to me.

I'm really trying to sit here and make myself like Lady Gaga. They played her in the club and everyone went crazy and I feel like I should like this song (Just Dance) but I cannot get into this broad. Is something wrong with me? Am I the only one? I understand her style and her song but it's not working. I'm feeling her CD though but I don't think I'm completely sold on her package. I do love the song "Eh Eh" that's probably her best song and less clubby type song.
I'm so ready for Letoya CD. Swing batta batta batta batta! She is slaying! Even though u never come for the other woman when you invest so much and someone and they play u you be ready to juke on a ho. "You a puppy/met a stray/ bringing fleas back home!" She aint got shit on me!
http://www.zshare.net/audio/571755880b74a334/
and her not anymore video
I guess this could be a Capcom review they have been on a roll lately with these 2 games.
Resident Evil 5
First up Resident Evil 5 which is just a stunner in every conceivable way. I am a big fan of its predecessor so there is biased but a good game is a good game. RE5 is set in Africa and the first thing you notice about the game is how beautiful it is. Every detail is there flies swarm around carcasses, sweat beads down brows, dirt
even accumulates on the bottom of the Africans feet. It's a lot going on but u never feel out of control which is hard to do nowadays with everyone concerned with flash you forget about details and this game doesn't.
Street Fighter 4

Iono bout this game. It's growing on me. I usually love fighting games. This one isn't clicking with me at all. There is no pick up and play at all. It's pick up and get your ass kicked. Which would be great for a niche fighter but this is STREET FIGHTER everyone should enjoy this. Plus I own the game on the 360 so the controls seem to be off with the horrid d-pad. I wouldn't recommend this game to anyone who isn't prepared to be completely frustrated trying to figure the fighting system out.
This will hopefully be my last spring break of my college career. I had fun I was sick most of it. I went on a few dates that mostly ended up well. How come the ones you like never like you? Ehh I take comfort in knowing that there is some parallel universe where I get to play them out, or I can wait a couple of months and do it myself. My mommy bought me a TV 32 inch flat. I don't know why but thanks ma you're the best! I have so much work to get done I'm slightly daunted but it always works out in my favor. I only have a lil over a month of Florida left so let the countdown begin!
I'm (3/8/2009) on the path (the train that runs from jersey to NYC) I haven't done this in a min. I'll be leaving fl in a few months and I'm really anxious to cone home. My friend Myya told me not to get "stuck" here. I was taken aback at first but I understood exactly what she meant it's so easy to get attached to places and things. Including people and that's when you get "stuck". I never been that kind of person and I don't think I ever will be. I'm nomadic with my only roots being family and they do an admiral job of keeping me grounded.
Sometimes I sit and think about how much I've changed these past few years. I wasn't always this way. I am naturally a very quiet, mild, meek individual. Since I was a child I have always had a sense of humor that radiated through my quiet shell. I don't know if you follow my blog or not, but I am a gay man. But this isn't about where I am this story is about my past and my evolution. I'm leaving Florida in a couple of months so I think this will be my form of closure as I start a new chapter in my life. It is a sad story, but I think the message is very clear and true. Enjoy!
I'm going to start with the fall of my sophomore year of college.
I had a girlfriend once. A Ms. Darlene Harris, beautiful girl Hershey brown with this long beautiful hair. We were so similar (and still are) that it's not surprising we meshed so well. We separated by distance I was in Florida and she was in North Carolina. That fall she decided to visit me. When she told me my heart kind of skipped a beat. Of course I missed her but I also knew that certain things were expected, sexual things. Darlene and I were not very physical which was my choice; even though I had not been involved with boys at this point I sure as hell knew I wasn't going to be physical with a girl. She came toward the end of October if I the beginning of October if I recall. That same weekend I had bought a large metal piece of shit car, my first. It was a great weekend! I introduced her to my friends from West Palm Beach (more on them later). Of course we slept in the same bed. Nothing happened. Super awkward, but we drank and had fun. I still remember the day she left on the shuttle and I tried to kiss her and I couldn't out of embarrassment so I fumbled around with my mouth and aimed my lips in her general direction. When she got home she asked me why I didn't initiate any thing and I replied, "Why didn't you?" with my smart mouth. And then she said, "I thought you were gay". I know it's strange but that kind of hurt because even if you're gay, and you know when you're gay, when someone implies that you are, there is a pain that hits your gut because you try so hard to conform that when someone sees through your guise it rattles your reality. We left it at that and continued "talking" but I don't think either of us knew what for.
While all this was going on there was an event that I planned on auditioning for called fashion exclusive? A fashion show. I was trying to become more involved that semester and I did. I met most of my current friends at this time. I knew I was going to make the show. I'm cute and I have this swag. It might be a lazy swag but it's a swag a lot of boys in Florida don't possess. This is where I met Deon and Angelo.
I live for these lil' broads. I finally got my DVD and I'm ecstatic! I plan on watching the entire series when I get back to Florida. It's SIX DOUBLE SIDED DVD'S like who does that?
My bff hit me up today and was a little upset about a former flame trying to holla at one of his friends. Now the boy in question has already tried to holla at me but to no avail(I don't think he's that attractive).At first I didn't understand why my friend was mad but, as the conversation progressed and he listed off all the boys I was like yea this boy is using your friend list as a damn dating site. I don't mind friends overlapping but damn there should be a limit. Like when is enough enough? I suggested he go whoop his ass (verbally). What would you do if your ex was trying to run through your friends?
This is a shaky ass flight so if I go down and they find this laptop, I love y'all! Seriously though I'm having fun with this blog thing. It's a nice little escape and it centers me which is good because I'm a mess inside and out. I want to thank everyone that ever came here, left a comment, clicked a link, or supported Me and Alfie in anyway. I don't even know what I'm doing with this thing but I feel like I'm learning everyday and I thank God for this outlet in my life. Much love!
I'm so scared to step outside. I have absolutely zero winter clothes. My mother is gone on vacation and she left me in this cold ass house. I have dates! I can't be cold and shivering I'm too cute for all that.
I am an out of state college student. I travel a lot between New Jersey, my hometown, and Florida, my school. 9/10 my aunt schedules my flight because she works for the airport. I've never had trouble with this arrangement until last night when I arrived to a dark, EMPTY Jacksonville airport. First of all I didn't know airports closed. Second why did I call my aunt and tell her there was no flight going out and her response was of course "let me check" followed by "oh shit, I scheduled the wrong flight, you mad?" I could never be mad at my aunts they're amazing, but for like 2 seconds I wanted bite her in the uvula. I ended up at this hotel last night exploring myself. I really needed that money ugh!
First of all why is she swingin that damn mic stand all willy nilly and she know she doped up on that codine? i hope whoever got hit with that stand get cut a nice plump check.
I am I gamer! I do this with my free time I only on a 360 but I have a few games. I am eagerly awaiting Resident Evil 5 that is my next big purchase if you have XBL my gamer tag is J Robba! Hit me up!

J. Lo killed this song at first i hated it (the unmastered version
) but this shit knockes like a poor mans feedback but feedback was flawless in everyway. come back Jen we miss u!
So my girls leave the club and they screaming like "I want a cheeseburger! Omg!" It's like 2am, so we end up at checkers in the drive thru. It's a big weekend at my school (FISS I'm not going to spell it out) so the line was supa crazy crowded tell me why we in the damn line for a good hour! I have never. But that sandwich so good it gave me the bubgublies but it was worth it!





So I think I'm a model! Not really, but I recently performed in a fashion show. Now I said performed instead of modeled because these black fashion shows are more about choreography than actual modeling. Its less about the clothes and more about doing handstands and back flips while giving FACE! Here are some pics…
I didn't watch. Ugh I know I don't watch anything but I don't see the appeal of award shows anymore. It's the same people getting nominated every year throw in a couple of ethnic nominees with a tribute to Meryl Streep and Beyonce (to attract the black women/gay men). I just don't see the point. I never even heard of half these movies and honestly none of them look that good. I haven't watched since the Halle won. Is that bad? No I just decided it isn't.

i like this song one of the better songs from The Dream's album. i even like Kanye auto-tuneless verse.
I'm helping these kids in Gainesville with their FCAT (Florida's standardized test.) My life from now on will be an absolute value! I'm going stay positive. For the love of the children!


This is my favorite track off Brandy's Human album. It just makes me smile and brings me back to a certain place every time I'm down. This is a great song.
50 cent is a funny dude i more than chuckled in this 90 sec slip. I think the Rihanna/Chris scene was a little insensitive,but i dont expecty that from him. Enjoy!
How could someone that claim they love you,
Cheat on you?
Dump you?
Date the person they cheated on you with?
Habitually lie?
Take your money?
Take advantage?
Say they love you friday
Have sex with you Saturday
have orgy with strange old men Sunday?
Laugh about it!
and then shoot you a text saying "Happy Valentine's Day"?
Lawd have mercy
See I'm a brother/lover
Friend like no other
Ride out like Suzuki
And I thought this nigga knew me
I always knew he was a thief
Because every night I would sleep he took my body then my keys
Sped away while I laid
He would play while I prayed
And I never thought I would be here
Came for my throat but stabbed my back first
And when my knees buckled
Could have sworn this nigga chuckled
But you a coward you can't hurt me
And you will never have the power
You see you're like a child on tantrum
A slut on a strut
Because before you see me drop, I'll watch you self destruct
I'm throwing a party for the Valentine's Day losers lovers like me. Look forward to picas it should be cute if God wills it's so!
Now my roommates are cool we never really had a problem but this shit has got to end… why my house got to look like this??? Why are we waiting for the damn wild life to wander in? It's becoming a habitat and it's sickening! I clean and clean but in 2 days (or the next day) it's back to the same shit! I'm not having it!