I feel like I have wasted four years of my life. College has been a very lonely experience. Since my freshman year I have felt very lonely and not at all true to myself. I have met some amazing people here and I wouldn't change that for anything. What I would change is my pride. I always felt that things would just fall in place for me and they haven't. I'm not good at too many things. I don't play sports, dance, sing, or do much of anything besides be smart. I'm a smart person but I feel that my intelligence has deteriorated these past four years. I struggle with my faith daily. I wanted to leave this place a man, but I'm leaving the same boy I was in high school. I find myself sleeping all day just to escape. I distract myself with the matrix of the internet and when I'm not doing anything at all I sit and cry.
Fucking pitiful
Purgatory, this is where I reside. It's so strange. My life is going well I can't complain about a damn thing my family right, STILL celibate, this is probably my best semester at UF, but It's also my last and I feel really sad about that. I know I am meant for great things. I have all the tools to become the man I am meant to become. The first half of 2009 has been a mix of purging and enlightenment. I have NEVER felt so lost and out of tune with myself but even still I am residing in harmony, a very quiet place.
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you might not think so, but i feel you whole heartedly. no one really understands why we have these situations, but they mold us...makes us stronger...and thats the process of growing.
ReplyDeleteChile I can not tell you how I agree with you so much, but I will admit, that no matter what, I have awaken myself everyday..well I guess god has..i know he has and I take everyday one day at a time and before I know it...I get through things.
ReplyDeleteI guess what Im trying to say is we are a lot stronger than we think we are.